Pigeon Porn - Part 2

Welcome back for part 2 of #pigeonporn (I can't believe it now has it's own hashtag on twitter!)

Anyway, I tried to convince my real life friend Chocorange to blog this instalment of #pigeonporn on my behalf, as she knew about it at the time (2008 in case you were wondering and yes it still traumatises me!) but she declined with a very eloquently put "no way, that is still the most gross thing i have ever heard" so dear readers, it has fallen to me to recount my "experience".  Stop sniggering at the back please ;-)

If you missed part 1 yesterday, have a look here to understand not only my disgust at what I am about to recount, but at how this has freaked me out.  They say blogging can be therapeutic and I really hope that by sharing this blog I can also learn to laugh about it!!! 

First of all, let me set the scene...It's a beautiful Spring day and I am taking the kids to school, we have a lovely walk through the park and for the last few days we have seen two pigeons cooing away in a tree.  This particular day they are on the lower branches and performing some sort of ritualistic dance. 

We stop to watch them and I almost find them endearing as they fluff each others feathers and walk up and down the branch.  They then have a sort of kiss and before you can say "Pigeonporn" the male has hopped onto the females back and is flapping away.  

The motion of the  "lurve" ocean is obviously a bit too tricky for our lovebirds on the narrow branch  as they then fall off, it must have been at the point of no return as the next thing I know I have a clear blob of pigeon sperm on my face..............

GROSS.........................

It happened in slow motion ( I swear I saw it falling from the sky) and I instantly start freaking out BIG TIME, flapping my arms and screeching (not unlike a pigeon) much to the delight of the boys I hasten to add,  However, I can't explain to them what has happened as a 4 and 2 year old are just not going to comprehend:

 "Don't worry darlings, a pigeon just came in mummys face" .

You will be pleased to hear I am smiling.  Just.

Peace and Love

S.A.M xx

Pigeon Porn - Part 1

I have been nagged/bullied/badgered/bribed to spill this story by the lovely SAHM loving it Mama Makes and Inside the Wendy House as I alluded a few weeks ago to this awful incident happening to me.

I am going to have to tell you this in two parts as you need to understand my paranoia before you hear the story............

Let me explain..................

Firstly, I am scared of birds.  Specifically pigeons and I blame this on my parents who took me to Trafalgar Square when I was around 4 to feed them.  This is actually my earliest memory and it still sets my teeth on edge.  We arrived at Trafalgar Square and after buying our seed cartons from the cart vendor, I stood as still as a statue with a pot in each hand, arms held out. 

Within a few seconds I had a pigeon on the end of my hand.  I remember feeling happy and for the next few seconds I was at one with the bird whilst my parents looked on.   

What happened next has stayed with me and no doubt will do so for the rest of my life - I was attacked/swamped/bombarded by what felt like thousands of pigeons.....they came from all directions, were on my head and naturally I tried to run.  I stumbled over and consequently spilt bird seed all over myself...the birds were then all over me from head to toe as my parents looked on laughing. 

It took a few minutes (probably only a few seconds in reality) before my lovely mum realised I was frozen in shock, I had wet myself in terror and was by now sobbing, great, big, gut wrenching sobs.......

My parents shooed the birds away and picked me up - a gibbering, sobbing wreck and with a lifelong fear of pigeons..........

So, you can imagine how I felt when a pigeon came on my face/hairline.  You'll have to wait for that instalment tomorrow as I am going for a lie down, just writing this has freaked me out.....

Love

S.A.M xx